Finding Gold

Building Trust through Stories

By Michael Lovas
June 1, 2005

Author's Note: This article is an edited excerpt from our brand new book and seminar: Magnetic Selling — the comprehensive guide to question-based consultative selling for financial professionals.

The king of stories is called a "metaphor." Now, I recognize that most people recall that a metaphor is one of those literary tools you had to learn about in high school. And, if that's so, how could it possibly have any value in a selling situation?

If you think of a metaphor as simply a literary tool, you're robbing yourself of some serious power. The real power of a metaphor isn't in it's literary application. The real power is in its hypnotic motivational application. In other words, if you tell a good metaphor, you will be enveloping your prospect in a mental movie designed to cause that person to listen to you, like you, and begin to trust you.

If you go through your selling conversations and don't tell stories, again, you're robbing yourself of some serious power. Here's why. People quickly become mesmerized by relevant metaphors. When they're mesmerized, they become glued to you. When you tell a metaphor, the other person places herself inside the story, seeing herself inside the story. As you tell it, she experiences it.

Don't get excited, yet. Nearly all the stories I've heard in our industry a worthy of little more than the garbage disposal. Even the ones told by well-known storytellers are interesting at best, but ineffective for changing anyone's mind.

When I was a professional musician, I had friends who were amateur singer/songwriters. They were friends so I endured and listened to them play the same four guitar chords and sing the world's most boring songs. It was torture. When you tell a story that is not relevant to the listener, she "endures" it. Is that what you want? Is that the state of mind you want your prospect in?

Most of the stories told in our industry are not metaphors, they are — well, just stories carrying no meaningful message, and invariably told from outside the prospect's perspective or experience. All of which means that most stories told by advisors are ineffective - dullsville.

That's because they lack the essential elements that make any story effective. Let's look at the main elements a story should not contain:

Length. Get a grip. Put a lid on it. Sales people are talkers. Give them a chance to tell a story and it becomes a rambling tome. Stop already! If you tell long stories, stop right now. I have a friend who has a compulsion to add new information at the end of every story he tells. "Oh wait! You have to hear this...."
Repetition. I've given this advice often over the past twenty years. Record yourself telling your favorite stories. Then, listen to it. That should say it all. Most of us possess little, extremely annoying language patterns, you know what I mean? At some point in every story or even every conversation, we all insert some phrase — usually without even realizing it — you know what I mean?
Focus on you. Do you tell stories because you enjoy it, because it's effective, or because you want people know about you? This is dangerous turf. If you tell stories without being disciplined about it, you'll fall into the trap of telling stories about yourself. And, frankly, who cares? Your prospects don't care. They care about themselves. They want you to talk about them and tell stories they can relate to. Anything other than that is another financial guy telling a boring story that they have to endure.

Now, what does an effective story possess that icky stories don't? Relevance times three:

Values.
Structure.
Learning mode.

Values.

The story absolutely must contain the listener's values. Those words and references are like the glue that binds the story to the other person. Without them, you get one bored prospect. Let's say I start to tell you about a client I'm working with. It's the security guy at a manufacturing plant. He would like to get into management one day, but he's comfortable where he is right now.

OK, was it good for you? That little story contained three sentences and only thirty-eight words, but they bored you into a trance, right? I'll bet that nothing in that story sparked your interest. In other words, I missed all of your values. If I don't connect with at least one of your values, why would you want to listen? You'll notice, I didn't even mention the guy's name. Names are powerful values. If I'd said his name was Jack, fifty-thousand of you would have perked up and said to yourself, "Hey, that's my name! Alright!"

Structure.

In many of my articles, I mention "meta programs." It's the way any person needs incoming information to be structured in order to make sense of it. For example, do you enjoy having a process to follow? Or do you feel confined when you're stuck in a rigid procedure? Your listener needs you to tell your story in one way or the other. Which one? And, how do you know? Do you want other people to make recommendations to you? Or do you want to come up with your own solutions, not caring what anyone else thinks? Your listener is one or the other. Which one? And, how do you know?

Learning mode.

If you just start telling your story, you'll default into your own learning style. You'll tell the story as though you're telling it to yourself, with little or no regard for the mode the listener needs your story to be in.

All the world's academics recognize that most learners have a predominant learning style. That's the input channel they use to understand and integrate new information. Anyone who has ever read a book on teaching or taken a class in Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP) knows that there are three basic types of learning styles: visual auditory and kinesthetic. You've heard about them until you're numb, but did anyone ever explain to you the real value you get when you learn about them? Look at this breakdown:

Visual. 30% to 40% of the learning population are visual learners. Show them pictures. Talk in word pictures.
Auditory. 20% - 30% of the learning population is comprised of auditory learners. They learn best by listening. They like conversation — and metaphors.
Kinesthetic. 30% - 50% are kinesthetic learners. These people involve their whole bodies in learning and need hands-on involvement. They like to hold props.

Here's an example of how this works. I visualize the three learning styles as cups. I have a very large cup for visual input. You can give me visual information for days on end, and I'm right there with you. But, as soon as you stop showing me and begin telling me, I stop learning. That's because my auditory cup quickly "runneth over."

A few years ago, I invested several thousand dollars in a two-week long, high-level, very intense NLP course in Toronto. To my dismay, the trainer relied on auditory presentation so much that my cup ran over in the first two days. I was in a state of auditory exhaustion and stress for the next twelve days! It took me months to get over it. Is that the mental state you want your prospects in?

Now that you know to beware of telling any story that is not crafted specifically for the person in front of you...now that you know that a metaphor is a powerful hypnotic motivational tool you can use...now that you know it's not as easy as you thought — let's start over and look at metaphoric stories with fresh eyes.

What is a metaphor?

It's simply a relevant story created with a purpose and told for a purpose. It is a story devised by you with the aim of influencing the listener to move towards achieving her stated goal. It is a theatrical presentation based on what the listener wants to achieve, her values, her learning style, and her preferred structure.

Now, let's turn metaphors into a kaleidoscope and see the various ways you can deliver them.

Talking. A metaphor is a cause-effect psychological tool (story) that causes the listener to produce his own effect. That effect is the result of what we call a, "transderivational search." In other words, when you tell the story that includes the prospect's values and associations, he dives into his own subconscious mind to make sense of it and make it meaningful to himself. The tactical purpose of using metaphors is to by-pass the conscious awareness. That mental activity (telling the story and by-passing the conscious awareness) is what makes a metaphor valuable to the prospect. Any other type of story is at best a weak reminder of a moral.

Visuals. Not only are metaphors stories. They can be visual, such as a symbol or a picture. A star of David or crucifix can cause you to contemplate deeply. The sight of a starving child can result in flashes of insight which might be even deeper insights than you'd get through words. Walk into any religious building and you'll see yourself surrounded by visual metaphors.

We guide some of our clients through a process called a "treasure board" party The clients show up for a party. They look through stacks of magazines filled with photographs, finding ones that show things they want in their lives. They might be a $5000 Viking gas grill, a Lexus convertible, a home on the ocean, or a big pile of cash. The clients cut out pictures and paste them to a poster.

The psychology here is that unless you define what you want, you don't have much chance of ever getting it. The images our clients cut out of magazines are representations of things they want to give to their subconscious mind. If you were our client, we would instruct you to place the treasure board in a position where it will be the last thing seen before you fall asleep at night.

For a prospect, you can show a symbol or an image of something he or she wants to achieve. You could even do a Treasure Board Workshop and guide your clients into establishing the appropriate accounts to achieve those things. The images they paste onto their posters represent the reasons for your work together.

Solids. Metaphors can be tangible. We teach our clients to use a chunk of lava or something black and heavy to serve as a metaphor for the prospect's problems.

Picture yourself sitting across the desk in your CPA's office. He slams a big chunk of black lava onto the desk (tangible metaphor) and says (verbal story) in a dramatic voice, "Jack, this (slam!) represents the worries you feel right now: business failure, divorce, bankruptcy and losing a lot of money!" You automatically go inside your own subconscious and makes sense of the "reality" there. You also go into a "down state." As soon as you do, your CPA can, then, manage your emotional state and move you to making a better decision. All he has to do is solve the problems he listed and dramatized.

In Conclusion.

You believe you're in a selling profession. Actually, that's wrong. You are actually in a motivating profession. If you want to do your job to the best of you ability, you need to learn where the power is. It is in the language skills. They are easy to learn and they include storytelling. When you can tell a story (metaphor) that is based on the prospect's perspective, you'll quickly become motivational. You'll be able to guide the prospect toward his or her goal, and make a lot of money in the process. If my life can serve as any example to you, you'll also begin to have the best time of your life!

MICHAEL LOVAS is the author of ten books, three columns, and a thousand articles on Professional Credibility and the Psychology of Communication in the financial industry. He's the co-founder of AboutPeople and the founder of Credibility Marketing.

Michael speaks at conferences and seminars in Canada and the US. He is an inspiring trainer and coach who helps advisors improve their businesses. He holds three prestigious certifications: Licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), Licensed Trainer of NLP; and Clinical Hypnotherapist. They make Michael an expert at helping financial professionals succeed at a higher level by building more meaningful business relationships.

AboutPeople Books:

(NEW) Questions Are the Answer! - A guide for using questions effectively in sales conversations
(NEW) Axis of Influence! - How credibility & likeability intersect to drive success!
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Face Values - How to read people and connect with them in less than 3 minutes!
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Presentation Magic - How to gain a psychological advantage in your seminars and sales presentations
The 5 Levels of Rapport - How to create a meaningful connection with people who are important to you
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IDENTITY - How to create and deliver the most important statement of your business life
Inside the Mind of the Senior Market
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Find AboutPeople books at: www.aboutpeople.com

Michael Lovas, C.Ht.
AboutPeople
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