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Finding Gold
How to Discover the Value of Values
By Michael Lovas
December 1, 2004
| As a Clinical Hypnotherapist and coach, I work with values every day. From time to time, I realize that my clients maintain two pretty serious misconceptions about values. Let's start by looking at each one, and then move into the activities that discover how to discover real values. That's what this article is all about. |
Misconception 1. Everyone knows what his or her values are. That's wrong. This is such a common misconception that many consultants in the financial industry and many advisors are convinced that all they have to do is ask someone to name the things that are important to them, and Voila! They have values. It's not that simple. Good news for you, though, by the time you finish reading this article, you will know how to tell the difference between "faux values" and actual values.
Misconception 2. Many people approach values as though they were goals, qualities to achieve. That's wrong. Actual values are things you already have and you strive to maintain through your actions.
For example, let's take Integrity, compassion, relationships — those are nearly always listed as top values, but are they real? Probably not. They are probably more like ideals than values. I say that because a value is a value only when your behavior and actions are based on it.
Integrity. Quick, what is the definition of "integrity?" Most people can't give one, but they think they can recognize it when they see it. Want to start a heated debate? Get into a public situation and ask, "Is George Bush a man of integrity? And, why?" The lines will be drawn in the sand, and the polarized groups will face off. Actually, the question is simpler than it seems because the answer depends on the actual definition of "integrity."
Here's the simple definition from dictionary.com: "Steadfast adherence to a strict moral or ethical code." Is that the president? Working with that definition, the president probably is a man of integrity. There is little confusion or doubt about his moral or ethical code.
What about you? Are you a person of integrity? Ever take a commission and a fee from the same client? Ever hire someone who didn't share your beliefs and values? Ever make a compromise to solve a problem? If you have, then you're either stressing the definition of integrity, or perhaps you're using the wrong word. It's easy to confuse integrity with pragmatic, down-to-earth, efficient or logical.
When you look at it from a practical perspective, integrity implies a black & white approach the life. Any psychologist will tell you that people with a structure that highly defined die early and experience great frustration throughout their lives. "Strict moral code" suggests that all things are either moral, or they're not. But, it doesn't stipulate the legitimacy or appropriateness of the code. Working with that definition, the al Quieda and the Taliban have integrity. Point is — most people either don't know what integrity is, or the word doesn't fit their definition.
Compassion. Again, what is the definition? "Deep awareness of the suffering of another coupled with the wish to relieve it." Wouldn't you have to be dead not to have some compassion? But, to be a value, your compassion has to be put into action.
Now, let's consider the hard questions: Have you ever passed by a homeless person without giving some spare change? Have you ever walked past a Salvation Army Santa without giving some spare change? Have you ever abandoned a pet? Did you ever foster a misperception of someone? If yes to any of those, then, you might like the idea of compassion, and you might be somewhat compassionate, but because you don't consistently act on it, compassion is not necessarily one of your top values.
Relationships. This implies that you work diligently on building and nurturing your relationships. All relationships fall on a continuum. On one extreme is a negative relationship. The other person knows you. He nods at you, then turns to the person next to him and mutters an expletive. On the other extreme is the positive relationship. The other person stops, smiles and sticks out his hand in greeting. Then, he turns to the person next to him and introduces you as a really good friend and advisor. If your relationships are not overwhelmingly the latter, then you might not really value relationships because you're not taking action to nurture them. If that's the case, you probably enjoy having relationships, but you don't enjoy working on them.
That opens the question — how do you really identify your values?
Discover the value of values. If you know anything about my work, you know that I don't just talk in theory — I teach you how to do it, how to make it work for you. Same here. If you're working with values, you could be doing yourself and your clients a serious disservice — if you're eliciting the wrong values. So, here's how you discover the right ones. We'll use you as the test, but realize that you can guide your clients through this exercise.
Step One.
Make a list of your values. List all the values you feel are important to you.
Step Two.
Put the list into order of importance to you. Most important values go at the top of the list.
Step Three.
Justify each one. Next to each value listed, write two things: 1) a description of specific situations and dates in which the value played a role; then, 2) the actions or behaviors showing that you put that value into action. It might look like this:
| Value | Situation/Date | Actions/Behaviors |
| Accountability | 1. January 12 when I made a mistake on John's account. 2. January 28 at the company board meeting. |
1. Invited him to lunch, apologized face-to-face, made financial restitution 2. I accepted responsibility to head the new pilot program. |
| Adventure | February 13 when I was in Colorado | I rented a car and drove to Vail and went skiing - did the black slopes |
| Freedom | March 1 when I was uncomfortable with my job. | Told my boss I needed a week off to get away and take a mental health vacation. |
When I ask my clients to apply this test to the values they list, we discover that many values on the list are not their values. In fact, they are ones the clients would like to value, ones they appreciate or admire. However, the values they think they value are actually not their values. For professionals who engage in any consultative approach to business, this is a huge Ah Ha!
The implications are monumental!
Let's say you're a wealth management advisor. Any financial planning, or life-based planning, or macro-strategic planning you do based on those professed "professed but not possessed" values will produce less-than-desired results. Effectively, you would have failed your client.
Here's a specific example. Imagine you're working with a client. You want your plan to be congruent with his values, so you ask him to name his values. He tells you charity and love are the top ones. In your mind, you recognize those as pretty easy to put into play with perhaps a charitable foundation, endowment, or angel tree programs at Christmas. You ask the client, "What do you mean? What types of charitable activities or causes are you currently involved in?" And, he says, "Well, I don't belong to a charity, if that's what you mean. And, I don't give away cash grants or anything like that."
You probably recognize that something is not right. Point is — his actions must follow his professed values. If they don't, it indicates that he might value those values, but he doesn't possess them.
Let's say you're an investment management firm. When you go into an institutional presentation and deliver a Values Statement, you risk exposing the incongruence of your firm's credibility — unless you have followed the three steps above.
A specific example. Your team enters the board room at a major manufacturing firm. You begin by making your Values Statement, "We are a team of investment professionals dedicated to integrity, consistency and constant focus on our clients." One of the board members asks you, "What do you mean by 'integrity' and how does that affect your investment management decisions?" Right away, you're on the defensive. Another board members asks, "Constant focus? That implies 24/7. Do you have more than one client at a time? Uh oh. Your beautiful Values Statement now has gaping holes in it.
Hint: Write a Values Statement and try to shoot holes in it yourself.
Working in the financial industry is one of the most rewarding experiences in life, and you get to do it every day. In your hand, you hold the hopes and dreams of people and families. The power is intoxicating, but the responsibility is sobering. Working with the wrong values is like loading blanks into your M-14.
If you were a pharmaceutical firm and you began marketing a new product based on faulty test results, you would be inundated with calls from attorneys. If you were an auto manufacturer and you released the new-year's models with defective fuel injectors, you'd probably get calls from those same attorneys.
Test results and reliable working auto parts are staples in those industries. They're the basics that athletes continue to work on. They're the grammatical elements that separate clear prose from confusion. They're the manual of arms that every Marine practices daily.
In your business, it's the same thing. A client's values are the fundamentals of his life. Working with the wrong values means giving the client a flawed product. Your own values are the foundation for your behavior and actions. Do you take action that is consistent and trustworthy? Or, do your values seem to change from situation to situation?
How to apply this lesson to yourself.
Consider discovering what your actual values are. Then, write a meaningful Values Statement.
If you are an investment management firm, your presentations will carry significantly more impact, and you'll show yourself as different and better by having a congruent Values Statement. Be sure to use it for target practice before announcing it in pubic.
If you are a product professional (pensions, life insurance, annuities, stocks), your Values Statement can reassure prospects that you're not going to churn or replace products to generate commissions. But, rather, reassure them that you will make recommendations based on the things that give meaning to your own life.
MICHAEL LOVAS is the author of ten books, three columns, and a thousand articles on Professional Credibility and the Psychology of Communication in the financial industry. He's the co-founder of AboutPeople and the founder of Credibility Marketing.
Michael speaks at conferences and seminars in Canada and the US. He is an inspiring trainer and coach who helps advisors improve their businesses. He holds three prestigious certifications: Licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), Licensed Trainer of NLP; and Clinical Hypnotherapist. They make Michael an expert at helping financial professionals succeed at a higher level by building more meaningful business relationships.
AboutPeople Books:
- (NEW) Questions Are the Answer! - A guide for using questions effectively in sales conversations
- (NEW) Axis of Influence! - How credibility & likeability intersect to drive success!
- (NEW) Words that Sell - The language of psychological marketing & selling
- Face Values - How to read people and connect with them in less than 3 minutes!
- The Boomer Report - The financial advisor's guide to understanding the boomer mind
- Presentation Magic - How to gain a psychological advantage in your seminars and sales presentations
- The 5 Levels of Rapport - How to create a meaningful connection with people who are important to you
- Magnetic Connections - Consultative selling for financial professionals
- IDENTITY - How to create and deliver the most important statement of your business life
- Inside the Mind of the Senior Market
- Beyond Wave Marketing - How to add credibility to your relationship marketing
Find AboutPeople books at: www.aboutpeople.com
Michael Lovas, C.Ht.
AboutPeople
(509) 465-5599
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