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Finding Gold
How to Become More Likable
By Michael Lovas
March 1, 2007
Being liked by your clients should have absolutely no bearing on how well you do your job. Terrell Owns is one of the most disliked people in professional football, but he does his job well enough make $millions. Having made that point, it is ultimately meaningless unless someone brings you clients and forces them to do business with you. The point is, if your target market does not like you, they do not hire you.
On the flip side, professionals who are liked by their clients prove to be more successful because they get more clients. In our personal search through a ream of reports and research findings, we discovered that scientific researchers continue to look closely at what makes a person likable. Further, they have determined exactly what it is. Bottom line — if you want to become more successful, become more likable. And, now, I'm going to list five ways you can do exactly that.
First, please recognize that my firm deals in psychology, not magic. Likeability is not the result of luck. it's not a gift inherited by only a few anointed people — it's a skill set. And, here's what the research says happens to the people who develop this skill set:
- They're more successful in business and in life.
- They get elected, promoted, and rewarded more often than those less likable.
- They close more sales and make more money.
- They get better service from all types of service providers, including Doctors and other health care providers — which means they probably live longer as well!
There are three aspects to likeability. These aspects determine the degree someone likes you. They are: verbal, vocal and facial. In future articles I'm going to expose the verbal and vocal qualities of likeability. But, today, we're going to look deep into the face.
The Face and Likeability
I'm referring to the sincerity of your facial expressions. Think of the last time you were in a romantic relationship. Did you wear a sour facial expression? Ever smile at a baby, only to have the baby burst into shrieks of terror? Ever see anyone laugh at the news of someone's death? There is something amiss in each of those examples. Something in the face was wrong. And, when something is wrong in the face, it's really important. This aspect accounts for 55% of likeability!
Looking Deep!
Because facial expressions are so important, I've investigated them a bit more in-depth. Typically, two places the face can broadcast a mismatch and stop someone from liking you: 1) The fake smile, where the person smiles only with his mouth. A real smile is located in the mouth and eyes. That's why amiable people have smile lines around their eyes. 2) The roving eyes, where the other person's eyes look in the wrong places at the wrong times. Did you know that you can actually tell what kind of information the other person is gathering by where his eyes go?
What happens when the facial aspect of likeability is off? The other person doesn't like you as much. That means he doesn't trust you as much. And, that means he probably doesn't do business with you. Is this the case in every situation? No. But it is true in 83% of them. The research in likeability proves that decision makers do business with someone they do not like in only 17% of the buying situations. Not good odds, are they?
One of the most important elements of facial attraction is what's going on in your head when you're listening.
What happens when the facial aspects are good? You are perceived as being sincere. Technically, the term is "congruent." In other words, all systems are working in harmony toward a common good. Think of it like this. The other person has a subconscious calculator analyzing and tabulating data as Yes or No continually. Give enough incongruent or No signals and you're history.
Stated in real-life terms — financial advisors who place high value on relationships tend to be more congruent, thus liked by more people. Conversely, advisors who prefer to work with calculations and analyze projections tend not to put as much effort into building relationships. Thus, more people do not like them.
Examples of Likeable People
In a study conducted by Shanto Iyengar at Stanford a little over a year ago participants were asked to rate 20 political figures on a "feeling thermometer." The warmer or more favorably they felt toward a person, the higher score they gave them on a scale of zero to 100. The top three and bottom three politicians in the ranking are listed below:
Bottom three:
18) Sen. Bill Frist - 41.5
19) Sen. Harry Reid - 41.2
20) Sen. John Kerry - 39.6
Top three:
1) Rudolph Giuliani - 64.2
2) Sen. Barack Obama 58.8
3) Sen. John McCain 57.7
I'm not making a political statement here, so please don't read bias into what I'm telling you. Please look at these people as strangers and read just pure data in what you see.
What is it about Kerry?
What is it about John Kerry that makes him the least likeable of the 20 in the list? Look at him totally objectively in terms of likeability. Take a look at these photos of John Kerry. What do you see in his face?
I believe those who don't like Kerry are responding negatively to his non-likeable facial qualities. His face often has a "look" of disdain, even dislike. He is very confident in himself, but you don't get the feeling he is confident in the rest of us. Likeable people like other people and they show that in their facial expressions. I don't think John Kerry likes us and I think we pick up on that.
What should Kerry do to improve his likeability? it's the same thing you should do if you have some of his facial characteristics. Find the most loving and caring facial expression you can make. Think of your kids as little babies, focus on them and then look in the mirror. That's the face you should wear when you talk to your prospects and clients.
Like Me
In my work I've noticed that many people gravitate to other people who look like them, but they rarely ever notice it. Dr. Karen Stephenson describes it as "an ancient skill encoded in us by our forebears."
"In the small talk of cocktail parties, humans are at random walk, desperately seeking points of similarity through visibility: height, girth, dress, gender, race, accent, hair and eye color, etc. Reading the audience and working a room are ancient skills encoded in us by our forebears who sat cheek by jowl around the campfire; an earlier and more primordial form of cocktail party. I confess to having attended countless cocktail parties and continue to be amazed how, after just a few drinks, I end up with people who are like me in some way — same experiences, same clothes same interests, etc. it's not the alcohol talking, but the ancient drive of seeking similarity: 'You look like me, you think like me, you dress like me ... you're one of us.' When people connect at this basic level, they are engaging in an embryonic form of trust with each other. What began as a room full of disconnected people may end up as a network of people connected in invisible lines of trust."
As a fun illustration — take a look at the two photos below. Pam found Dr. Karen Stephenson's articles on the web quite by accident. As Pam describes it, "I connected with her work and her words immediately. It wasn't until much later that I noticed the physical similarities." Just look. That's Pam on the left and Dr. Karen on the right.
In Conclusion
As you can see from the content in this article, Pam and I know a tremendous amount about how to help you make more money. Where many coaches teach you to go for the throat in your sales, we teach you how to build a strong business based on integrity and how your mind naturally works. As one of our friends said, "You put FUN back in functional." When you can be yourself and make more money — it IS fun!
Your Reward 1
If you want to talk about how you can benefit (make more money and have more fun in your career), give me a call. We have just started providing coaching services to a prestigious registry of RIAs. Why not take advantage of this same network. Not only do we do the coaching, when we're appropriate, but we also make referrals to many other coaches — when they are appropriate. So, if you want to do better, be better and keep getting better, give me a call. I'll connect you with the right coach for you.
Your Reward 2
We understand that personal and professional growth often begins by reading a book before the coaching begins. So, if you want to learn the skills necessary to increase your income — and initiate it by reading books, please do this: 1) visit my website: www.aboutpeople.com 2) link to the Shop and look at the Master Package. You will save $149 and get all of our books! Now, that's a reward worth getting.
MICHAEL LOVAS is the author of ten books, three columns, and a thousand articles on Professional Credibility and the Psychology of Communication in the financial industry. He's the co-founder of AboutPeople and the founder of Credibility Marketing.
Michael speaks at conferences and seminars in Canada and the US. He is an inspiring trainer and coach who helps advisors improve their businesses. He holds three prestigious certifications: Licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP), Licensed Trainer of NLP; and Clinical Hypnotherapist. They make Michael an expert at helping financial professionals succeed at a higher level by building more meaningful business relationships.
AboutPeople Books:
- (NEW) Questions Are the Answer! - A guide for using questions effectively in sales conversations
- (NEW) Axis of Influence! - How credibility & likeability intersect to drive success!
- (NEW) Words that Sell - The language of psychological marketing & selling
- Face Values - How to read people and connect with them in less than 3 minutes!
- The Boomer Report - The financial advisor's guide to understanding the boomer mind
- Presentation Magic - How to gain a psychological advantage in your seminars and sales presentations
- The 5 Levels of Rapport - How to create a meaningful connection with people who are important to you
- Magnetic Connections - Consultative selling for financial professionals
- IDENTITY - How to create and deliver the most important statement of your business life
- Inside the Mind of the Senior Market
- Beyond Wave Marketing - How to add credibility to your relationship marketing
Find AboutPeople books at: www.aboutpeople.com
Michael Lovas, C.Ht.
AboutPeople
(509) 465-5599
1503 E. Riverview Dr.
Colbert, WA 99005
www.aboutpeople.com
